


Golden Eyes

by DiamondLoveGood



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Character Death, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Growing Up, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-War, Romance, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:00:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29898036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiamondLoveGood/pseuds/DiamondLoveGood
Summary: After the war, Snape decides to do what he never tried before: to find a little bit of happiness for himself.*Warning: major character death*Updated!
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Severus Snape
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I wish Remus and Snape were mine but unfortunately, they belong to each other and have no room for me. And I make no profit out of these stories.

Soundtrack: Barbarossa - The Load

Notes: some things are AU like Lupin had no children.

O0O

After recovering from Nagini’s bite, Snape was not only declared innocent but he also received an Order of Merlin - second class - thanks to the pain in his ass who lived again. Potter felt indignant he didn’t receive a first class medal and he had to remind the stupid boy that he not only had used Avada Kedavra but he also killed the most beloved wizard, maybe of all times.  
He had been relieved. Who would want to spend the rest of his life in Azkaban, even a dementor-free one?  
Ever since all he’d done has been revealed, Potter and Granger seemed fit to call him Severus - which infuriated him to no end - and treated him with a familiarity that made him clench his teeth, which were already crooked.  
He didn’t know if Granger felt sorry for him when he caught her unaware with a strange look in her eyes - one that Lily also used to do and it made it more disturbing because of it. Potter and Snape had absolutely NOTHING in common, and still the boy who lived visited him at least every month as if he didn’t mind the prolonged silence painfully interrupted by sips of tea.  
It seemed that Snape’s destiny was to be surrounded by Gryffindors and he sometimes fantasized that the damn snake had finished the job.

When he got better, he had the time to think things over and slowly, the werewolf that almost killed him twice kept entering his thoughts. He knew why but he hated that he had no way of changing this. It was a curse that had been following him ever since school.

In truth, he both hated and loved Lupin. He hated that the werewolf allowed him to be so incredibly humiliated without doing anything to stop his bully friends. But he also felt pulled by the man ever since they were young. Remus was unbelievably kind and the only person in the world who ever had any interest in making friends with him - a sour and bad tempered man. Well, had been Lily but ever since he paid his debt, he finally felt free of that burden. He would always, however, love Lily as a friend but even she had given up on him too. And during that most humiliating of moments, he saw that she wanted to laugh with Potter and Black, that’s why he lashed out and called her mudblood.

Snape had started to sell potions by order so he wouldn’t have to deal with people. However, he didn’t expect his dream coming true would actually feel… lonely. 

It was ironic. 

Ever since he endured his father’s screaming shouts, he had fantasized about being alone and unperturbed. Now that his solitude was rarely disturbed, he started feeling like he couldn’t go on like this.  
He had had a purpose, to save Potter while trying to stay alive. Now the boy could defend himself so living for the sake of it felt empty.

He had considered the idea many times and it had grown on him when he started to actively try to make friends with Lupin. The werewolf had been polite and even sought him out ever since they taught together and when they met at Grimmauld Place, but after the war that he could finally accept his friendship, Lupin was reclusive and strange.  
After the war, the werewolf and his pink-haired wife had separated, which gave him hope. He wondered if Lupin was depressed because of the separation but then he gleefully had accepted Granger to come and live with him after she too, broke up with that dunderheaded Weasley.  
At first, Snape had poked and probed, wanting to know if Lupin had carried some deep level of depravity he never noticed before to get on with a girl who was young enough to be his daughter.  
Granger finally explained that they became the best of friends - slowly - after the war, and that she didn’t plan on “getting on” with anyone for a very long time as she wanted to research and focus on her Ministry career.

Snape started using the excuse to visit Granger to see the werewolf, and although Lupin was polite and talked to him for a while, he would soon excuse himself and go to his room.  
After four times of this, the Slytherin was fed up with it and he decided to be clearer about his interest.  
Being rejected by Lupin would not be the end of the world - although it would be so humiliating - but maybe after that, he could really start living because it could be his hope for a relationship with Lupin that was keeping him stuck.  
And then he wrote to the werewolf, to make sure that he would get him alone and not be interrupted. Lupin found the best time for a visit when Granger would be out, and then he went.

Lupin opened the door with his usual placid smile but his appearance looked ragged. He had a bit of shadow under his eyes and his hair was a bit disheveled, like he had been taking a nap in the middle of the day, which offended Snape’s sensibilities.  
“Are you ok Lupin?” He asked, entering the man’s tiny cottage.  
“I am. I just ended up taking a nap before you came but couldn’t wake up with the alarm. I am sorry.”  
Snape dismissed the apologies with a wave of his hand and went to sit on his usual, comfortable chair. Usually, Granger used the other one but this time, it was the werewolf who took a seat in front of him across the center table.  
Lupin filled a cup of tea for Snape and then for himself. There were biscuits over the table and Snape felt bad for thinking that Lupin didn’t care for his visit as he clearly prepared everything before he arrived.

“So...” Lupin said after a sip of the hot tea. “What did you want to talk to me about?”  
“Must you get right to the point? Couldn’t I just be visiting for no reason at all?”  
Remus’ blue eyes studied him. “Well, I’ve been seeking you out in friendship for years and I was always rebuffed. Then, in the last few months you’ve been visiting this house quite often. I think it’s interesting.”  
Snape’s stomach plunged to the ground and he swallowed his tea, burning his throat. The pain centered him a bit and he breathed deeply, trying to calm his nerves.  
“Alright...” He leaned back on his chair and interlaced his fingers, trying to look calm. “What would you say if I shared that I am interested in you?”  
Snape felt the pleasure of rending the calm, composed, and polite werewolf speechless, even if just for a moment as big blue eyes widened and just stared at him for a moment. But this was Lupin, and his calm mask was in place a moment later, after so many years of practice.

“Are you interested in studying me as a werewolf, the dark arts, or using me as a test subject… or… or...”  
Snape smirked when he saw that Lupin was blushing. He answered the almost asked question with a burning gaze of his own.  
“Oh...” Lupin breathed.  
“So?” Snape arched an eyebrow. He thought the blushing could be a good sign. However, it would be a terrible one if the werewolf didn’t like men.  
That he had married Tonks meant nothing because throughout school he had been suspicious that Lupin and Black had been a thing - as he followed them around - so maybe (and hopefully), he liked both. The problem now was to find out if the werewolf felt attracted or repelled by him. Snape’s hands began to sweat.  
“I am flattered, Severus...” Lupin said and Snape’s hopes plunged as the werewolf looked down. “But I… I can’t. I would have… Long ago, but now… I can’t.”  
Snape tried to not lash out his disappointment and was able to contain his sneer a little.  
“You already found someone else then, after your divorce?”  
Lupin looked down. As he shook his head, his dirty blond hair covered his eyes.  
“No, nothing like that Severus. I am not going to be having any partners now or in the future, ‘tis all.”  
“Why?” Asked Snape, who knew he had no right to ask but was unwilling to beat around the bushes.  
Lupin breathed and seemed to gather his thoughts for a moment.  
“Werewolf books often talk about how to recognize one, how to kill, main, or hurt one, but they rarely talk about our physiology.”  
Snape just stared, brows furrowed, impatient for the man to continue.  
“I’ve been in quite a few werewolf camps for the Order, and I ended up discovering something about us that is not in the books. However, Hermione plans on writing one and promised me that our society will have a better view on werewolves in the future. It will be sort of a biography about me mixed with everything that we know about my kind. That’s one of the reasons why she is living here. We are going to take advantage of my… Er… Fame, and try to change how wizards treat werewolves.”  
Snape continued waiting, showing in his eyes he was not amused by the long non-answer.  
“Right...” Lupin laughed a bit self-deprecatingly. “We do not live beyond 50 years old.” He said without looking up. “It never happens.”

Snape felt his world falling apart. It was like being responsible for Lily’s death all over again. Before he could stop himself he whispered “No...”  
Lupin looked up, sadly. “So you see, I won’t put anyone through this. It would be unfair. It’s not for lack of… of interest.”

Snape decided to throw everything to the wind. He had been closed off and worn masks all his life, but this seemed to be one of those moments, where he had to jump first and think about getting hurt later.  
He got up and around the table, only to kneel in front of Lupin, taking his hands in his. His heart was bursting in pain and joy. It was overwhelming.  
Lupin is interested. But he didn’t have much time to live.  
Although he had the courage to touch the object of his love, Snape couldn’t bear those soulful eyes so he stared at Lupin’s lap, which at any other time would have been inappropriate.  
“I don’t care. I have been running from people all my life. And I want to be with you no matter for how long or short a time.” He touched his forehead to the man’s hand, as if begging to be blessed.  
Lupin removed one of his hands from the entanglement and rested it over Snape’s head, caressing it. “So soft...” He whispered.  
The Slytherin held a whimper of pain and raised his head, kissing the werewolf. Lupin hesitated for a moment, then responded in kind.  
The kiss soon turned into an embrace, and then they moved to the sofa where Snape covered Lupin’s body. With wandless magic, the Potion’s Master dimmed the light and then removed their clothes. He traced many silver scars with his lips and eyes, and on the back of his mind, he noticed that the werewolf was thinner than he used to be.  
Lupin also seemed a bit tired for someone who had just taken a nap and Snape understood a bit more of the gravity of their situation.  
He always closed his heart. He suppressed so much until he lost parts of himself that he had lived as a shell, with only one goal in mind. He would get hurt. And he would bleed. But he would jump this time.  
Lily would have been glad for him because she thought he never took chances on being happy. At the time, he was just trying to survive a very cruel life but now, if he didn’t give his all, he would be broken beyond repair.  
They loved each other slowly and while staring into each other’s eyes.  
At one point, he thought he saw a tear escape at the corner of Lupin’s eye but he was too overwhelmed by his pleasure to be able to think.

0o0

Rushing as if everything would end tomorrow, Snape moved to Lupin’s cottage and put up Spinner’s End for sale.  
They formed a strange threesome where Snape and Granger spent a great part of the day in the living room discussing all sorts of studies and subjects, trying new potions and salves on Remus, and filling the owl order for Snape’s business, while the werewolf slept a lot.  
Together and with Potter’s help, the Potion’s Master and the Know it all built a laboratory separated from the home so the house wouldn’t stink. In truth, Granger proved to be a perceptive and intelligent company that to his chagrin, Snape found himself enjoying her company.

It was excruciating to see a once happy and strong warrior deteriorating in front of their eyes but because Lupin didn’t want to talk about it, they respected his wishes and kept quiet.

Potter and Granger had also been building another cottage on Lupin’s land, and after many months, Snape found it was because Granger wanted to let the couple have their honeymoon. When his ex-students said things like that Remus would blush to the root of his hair and Snape would just stare at them seriously until they got a little frightened (for old times sake) and stopped.

“Was it why Granger decided to move here? To take care of you?” Snape asked as he held Remus’ in his arms one day after a round of lovemaking, although the Potion’s Master did all the work. After a life of celibacy however, he had no complaints.  
Remus seemed pensive for a moment. “Yes…” He seemed to hesitate for a moment. “That’s why.” 

During the full moons, Moony ran freely in the woods surrounding the cottage while Snape and Hermione would read inside and wait for him to return. It had been the reason why Remus’ father bought the house as it was very isolated. Then Moony would scratch the door and Snape would open it to him.  
At this point, the Potion’s Master and the Know it all (or how he liked to think of her inside of his head, but he never insulted her again) were secretly working on becoming animagus, so they could gift Remus with what Potter and Black had done for the werewolf. It was so incredibly difficult, it filled Snape with anger to think that he was having difficulties when those idiots had accomplished it when they were mere teenagers. In moments of frustration, he would remind himself how horrible they were at potions and that they also could never have become a Master like him or even as good as Lily had been. To each their talents.

Then came a full moon that was quite hard on Remus. Snape didn’t even open the door because Moony hadn’t asked to go to the woods. Moony had turned around once and then just fell into the carpet, near the fire. Usually, like a dog or wolf he would turn round and round looking for the most comfortable position, which Snape found really amusing.

“I think I’ll leave you alone and come back in the morning. In that way, I will have slept a bit and then take over for you when you go to sleep throughout the day.” Hermione told Snape in a rush as they usually took care of Remus in the morning, but both were always tired from not sleeping much.  
Snape just nodded tersely, his frown deep.

As Granger left, he tried to lift Moony off the ground as he usually took Remus to bed at the end of the night. This time, the werewolf yelped in pain and Snape put him back gently.  
“I am sorry Moony. What’s wrong?”  
The creature just looked at him with mournful golden eyes but didn’t make any other gesture. Snape understood some of the werewolf’s grunts and attempts at communication and until last month’s moon, Moony had been able to nod or shake his head no when asked anything, like if he wanted to eat before bed or run in the woods before sleeping. Now he was just slumped over the carpet.  
Snape took off his coat and brought a pillow to the floor, plus a cover from the sofa and laid on the ground with the creature, covering them both. He rested on his side and it was quite uncomfortable when he put one arm over the furry werewolf.  
Remus just continued to stare at him earnestly and Snape just did the same.  
“It feels nice to be quiet here, just the two of us.”  
He thought he heard a woof but couldn’t be sure. It had been very quiet.  
Snape tried his best to remain awake, but in the dim light and warmth coming from the fire and Moony himself, he ended up sleeping at one point because he awoke - thinking he had napped for just a minute - with the sunlight entering their room.

It was cold. 

He stared blurry eyed to the fire, which had died down.  
“Damn it!” He whispered and then got up quickly to get to his wand and restart the fire again. That’s when he felt his entire body contract in pain. He had been on his side over the hard surface all night, and his muscles were going to make him pay.  
As always, he was torn between making them breakfast or just staying there so he could soothe Moony’s excruciating transformation back to man. Being practical - as always - he decided to make Remus something to eat because he always needed all the nutrition he could get when he transformed. Remus used to need one day to recover but in the last months it turned into three, four days and then an entire week.  
Lost in his thoughts, Snape was bringing two cups to the table to pour in the tea when his black eyes fixed on the window.

That’s when he noticed the daylight.

NOTES: Thank you for reading.  
I’d love to hear from you.


	2. Chapter 2

The cups went down, crashing and making a loud noise but he didn’t care.  
He ran back to the living room. He had been distracted by sleep and the more immediate need to keep his lover warm. He hadn’t checked on Remus. Not really. He had been aware of his love’s well being but he hadn’t really looked at him.  
Even though the moon was gone and the sun returned, Remus was still Moony.  
He had rushed out of the kitchen but then he slowed down with dread into the living room, not wanting to see what was clear, now that he wasn’t distracted, sleepy or in pain.

Moony’s eyes were still sorrowful but staring at nothing.

Snape covered his mouth with his hand in horror.  
“No...” He whispered brokenly.  
He covered the rest of the way and fell on his knees in front of the creature.  
He realized as he slept, Moony had stared at him the whole time, maybe knowing he wouldn’t survive the night. Remus died looking at him. And he hadn’t been awake to say good-bye.  
A sob escaped Snape’s throat. “Forty three...” Snape moaned in agony. He rested his forehead on the wolf and the Potion’s Master could finally feel that Moony was cold. He sobbed again. 

“Forty three...”

The front door burst open and he heard Hermione’s voice as if she was far away but he couldn’t comprehend her.  
“...heard glass shattering…  
took so long because I had to put on some clothes…  
running here”  
He felt tiny arms hugging him at the waist from behind, as she covered his back with her whole body as she also knelt behind him.

“Forty three...” He sobbed again.  
“What?” Hermione asked.

He heard a crack in the distance and then Potter burst through the door, noisy as always.

“Forty three...”

“Harry...” Hermione sobbed, and then she let go of Snape and she was hugging her best friend, who was crying on her shoulder.

“Forty three...” 

Harry knelt beside him, putting an arm over his shoulder. The boy could be kind despite his own pain, Snape would give him that. “Can you repeat that?” Harry asked.  
“He’s been repeating the number ever since I came.” Hermione said.  
“He said fifty!” Snape shouted.  
“Fifty what, Severus?” Harry asked, not intimidated by the show of emotion at all.  
“Remus said they...” He tried to breathe as he drowned in the greatest pain he ever known. “Werewolves lived until they are fifty.”  
A sudden comprehension crossed Harry’s - Lily’s eyes - and Snape was momentarily embraced by some comfort. Part of her still lived. Then he realized Harry knew something he did not.  
“You knew he wouldn’t survive long? Why did this happen to him?”  
“It was just our theory.” Hermione knelt on his other side, resting her tiny hand on his thigh. “I think Remus had less time because he didn’t allow the wolf to run free. The camp werewolves didn’t scratch themselves because they ran wild in the full moon. They never confined themselves like Remus did when he didn’t have wolf’s bane. They camped on isolated areas, but if an unfortunate person came across them, they didn’t care. Remus always cared so...”  
“So he lived even less because he was caring… Because he was decent?”  
As his tears fell, Hermione became less blurry and he could see she was crying too.  
“Remus was the best of them all...” She said brokenly.  
“I was supposed to have a few years with him yet.” Snape moaned, not caring to show his vulnerability to his ex-students anymore. He was broken.  
He looked down at Remus’ show of love. His love had stared at him as he took his last breath.

Harry then hugged him and a small part of him wanted to not only protest but also to shove the boy away, but he did want the comfort. He was so tired of pretending to be strong… Pretending to be cold...  
They remained there for a while, comforting each other and petting Remus in turn.

0o0

Without his permission, Harry and Hermione moved in. Hermione brought everything from her neighboring cottage. Harry was also returning from Grimmauld with more and more clothes every time he visited.  
Sometimes he wouldn’t take care of himself but would be coaxed gently by Hermione when he neglected himself and went too far. 

Harry was a great cook - something to do with being the house-elf for his uncle and aunt - and he took charge of all meals.  
When Snape didn’t get up from bed, Hermione would fill his orders and take care of everything. Mostly, he wouldn’t shrink from his duties but there were very, very bad days when he just stared at the wall, not able to even move his body. But he felt bad for allowing an ex-student to take care of his business and he would always push himself the next day.  
He knew he was lucky to have those do-gooders Gryffindors with him.

The time to read the will came and Snape found that Remus left him everything.  
Many would have thought that the werewolf would have nothing to leave behind but it turned out that Harry had given his Black inheritance in full to the werewolf. Remus had wanted Snape to receive most of it and 20% went to Hermione - book published or not. Kind and thoughtful as always, Remus had added to his will that the girl was not obligated to write the book. 

It was hard to keep going, but Snape had something that he never had before and the two youngsters who shared a house with him were finally allowed into his heart because the Potion’s Master had no doubts that he was truly cared for.

They had formed a strangely harmonious family and Snape could see a lot of Lily in Harry, once he dropped his prejudices.

One day, he had to ask, when he felt there was more to the reasons why Hermione came to live with Remus.  
“Well, mostly because he needed someone to take care of him. He would never tell Tonks or anyone really, because he never wanted to be a burden.”  
“Remus was a martyr.” Snape snorted fondly. “But how did he allow you to come and live here.”  
Hermione shrugged. “I figured out. He had been withdrawing. During Order reunions, he would just stare at the wall, sometimes, like he was lost or grieving. I went to do my homework and talked to a few werewolves and finally confronted Remus.”  
“So is that how you became friends?” Snape asked as he chopped potion’s ingredients.  
“Not really. I wanted to be around because I knew Remus had no one left.”  
“Is that why you started coming around my home too? You felt sorry for us?”  
Hermione sighed exasperated. “Don’t be too proud, Severus. There is no way Harry and I feel sorry for you. Both of you are heroes. We WANTED to be around you two.”  
Snape snorted but inside, he realized how lucky he was that Potter and Granger were not the type to hold grudges. Weasley was not so forgiving but again, he was glad the Gryffindor girl had dumped that stupid boyfriend of hers and he had no reason to come around.  
“After you started, huh… dating...” At Snape’s scowl, Hermione quickly corrected. “Living together… Well, Remus took me aside one day to ask that I took care of you when he was gone.”

Snape felt his throat tighten. He swallowed thickly.  
Then he lost himself in old conversations and the happy memories he allowed himself and Remus to have, however short a time.

No matter how painful it was, Snape learned that the important thing was that at least he knew love. For someone like him, that seemed to be an impossible gift to have. Before Remus, his life had been terrible and all about power or redemption. 

However brief the few years they had together, his life was worthy because of Remus. The werewolf had taught him to open himself up more and he was a different man.

Until his last day, Snape kept a lonely ceremony every full moon when he would stay outside for a long time - no matter the weather - looking at the moon and stars. 

He felt closer to Remus when he stared at the moon. 

He wondered if Remus could see the same things that he did. If Remus had gone somewhere that still had stars and they were looking at the same ones.

0o0

What a joy to be hit with a plot bunny again, although it wouldn’t leave me alone for days so it took my peace away. And when I was crying because of a scene I saw in my mind (you know which one, the scene that was perfect for the title), I knew I wouldn’t want to forget this story, so I decided to write it down.

I hope others can enjoy it too. Keep authors going by commenting on their fics 😊


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